The Yakuza franchise is known for performing a sort of balancing act with its tone. With the main story filled with intrigue, crime drama, and high emotional stakes, the game opts to provide a break in the form of its substories. Some substories lead into minigames or optional bosses, and others are just really funny sideshows.
Newest installment Yakuza: Like A Dragon has fifty-two substories in all, and the majority take a lighthearted, humorous tone. The game's fantastic dub adds to the comedy even further. Many of the substories provide unique rewards as well. Here's the absolute cream of the crop.
10 The Masked Murderer
There are rumors swirling around a restaurant in Koreatown. A viral photo captured a Dead By Daylight-esque character skulking around with a bloody machete. Worried, Ichiban investigates the area at night, and meets the meat for himself.
Turns out the menace isn't a murderer at all. He's the son of a butcher working on his meat-cutting skills, and the hockey mask is to protect from any splattering blood. Jiei-san seems to be a pretty decent guy, but that doesn't stop him from looking like he's about to hang someone up on a meathook.
9 The Miracle Of Spice
There's an old man on Sakura Lane selling his homemade kimchi straight out of the pot. He hasn't been having much business, and when Ichiban tries it, the reason is clear - it's agonizingly spicy. The man is thinking of closing up soon and gives the pot to Ichiban for free.
Somehow, the super-spicy kimchi is the key to several peoples' problems. It gives a high school girl the courage to confess to her crush, makes an athlete beat his sprinting time, and helps an old lady cross the street. And when Ichiban returns to the seller, his kimchi is selling like hotcakes, er, hot peppers.
8 Persimmon Premonition
There's a persimmon tree in the park that bears a single fruit. An ailing girl has taken a fondness of it, and her father asks Ichiban to protect the tree so the fruit is still there when she gets out of surgery. Kasuga agrees, and naturally, things get difficult.
A sumo wrestler is practicing his charges against the tree. Some military geek is testing out his new airsoft rifle on the persimmon. And finally, a love-obsessed high school boy is nailing an effigy into the trunk to cast a hex on the girl who scorned him. Luckily, Ichiban is able to drive them away, and put a smile on the girl's face.
7 A Golden Opportunity
Water pollution is a serious issue. So when Ichiban learns of a policeman trying to catch a man who's been repeatedly peeing in the river, he decides to lend a hand. He comes across a group of four men who appear to be taking a whiz - but only one of them is the actual perpetrator. The rest are doing innocuous things like watering the plants.
Catch the real criminal - who the game refers to as "Piss Wizard" - and turn him in. He tries to explain himself - apparently he has some sort of deep, spiritual love for soiling bodies of water with his pee? To each his own.
6 The Crawfish Caper
This substory begins with Ichiban finding a lonely crawfish on a bridge. He throws it back, only to find out it was an old man's beloved pet, named Nancy. Guilty, Ichiban searches the area to find the right mudbug and return her.
Things take a turn for the grim when the old man shows his true intentions - he wants to eat Nancy for dinner. Ichiban's gotten attached to the critter over the course of the search and wants none of this. Through a little bit of bargaining, the man hands Nancy over. Who knew a crawfish could be man's best friend?
5 Fauxno Michio
Thanks to Kiryu's stunning performance in Yakuza 6, it seems Ono Michio has become a nationwide sensation. Any popular character will inevitably spawn a legion of knockoffs. There's a particularly nasty one hawking fake merchandise in Chinatown.
Ono Michio's creator tries to take the impostor out, but he gets beaten to a hassaku pulp. Ichiban has to don the costume and lay down some mascot justice. The best part? Completing this substory gives you an Ono Michio Poundmates summon.
4 Preparing To Suck
Not quite as risque as it sounds, but still a great substory. Ichiban meets a Dr. Wily-esque inventor who makes robotic vacuums. His dream is to build a giant vacuum with the power to clean every street in the city. All he needs is one million yen... and Kasuga's going to invest, of course.
Once the giant appliance is built, Ichiban watches the robot's maiden voyage. Unfortunately, the machine shifts into maximum overdrive and starts to suck up innocent bystanders. This, of course, leads to a boss battle against an SUV-sized vacuum. It's tougher than it seems since it's inexplicably armored in military-grade carbon fiber.
3 Who's That Sujimon!?
Every Yakuza game is overrun with a variety of bad guys, but Like A Dragon's are the most colorful. Professor Morikasa is on a mission to fill out an encyclopedia of all the local "super jittery men" - Sujimon for short. Ichiban agrees to help him study the battling buffoons. Gotta kneecap 'em all!
This substory kicks off Sujimon, but the sidequest stretches throughout the whole game. Encountering a new Sujimon enemy fills its entry in the Sujidex. There are a whopping 200 entries in all. In a way, this is the most extensive substory in the game.
2 Fifty Shades Of Play
Trouble is brewing in the red light district. A legendary customer named Mr. Masochist has been bouncing between S&M clubs, but nothing hurts him anymore. Even a beating from Ichiban and his allies won't satisfy him.
The main characters try a few other things - calling the man's mother so she can scold him, for one - but it's no use. It's not until he saves the life of Yumiko, a retired dominatrix, that things change. She slaps him for being so self-deprecating immediately after rescuing her, and he feels the sting for the first time in years. The two live strappily ever after.
1 Baby Don't Cry
One of the most infamous substories in the entire Yakuza franchise has come back for a follow-up. Ichiban sees a man getting shaken down for some baby formula outside a club. After rescuing him, the two hear what sounds like an actual baby crying from within the building. They rush in to help, and it's all downhill from there.
The rest of the substory really needs to be seen to be believed, so perhaps it's best not to recap it here. Just one more thing: beating the quest unlocks a hulking adult baby as a Poundmates summon.