There's something truly special about Peter Falk's famous television detective Lieutenant Columbo. His uncanny ability to pick apart seemingly any explanation while maintaining that air of a bumbling, mumbling oaf right up until he gets the killer to admit everything is a quality that countless have tried to replicate, but none have successfully pulled off. So it's unfortunate that fans of the man in the wrinkly overcoat haven't gotten to see him solve any new mysteries in the many years since Falk's tragic passing. But that doesn't mean someone couldn't think up a surprisingly faithful hypothetical situation. Perhaps a series of situations? Maybe they take place in the galaxy far, far away of Star Wars lore.
Twitter user @yotsuben apparently had this exact thought when he decided to post a thread of tweets imagining what it might be like if Lieutenant Columbo were to analyze the events of the Star Wars series. Typing out a tone-perfect recreation of Falk's deceptively humble speaking pattern, he depicted the detective slowly unraveling seemingly every tiny detail from various points in the franchise. For those unfamiliar with Columbo, it might have seemed like an amusing debunking of plot holes and complicated storylines. But to fans of the character, the writing style combined with perfectly chosen pictures of the man himself might even feel like the long-running mystery show never ended.
"I'll tell ya, this is a saberdart, laced with poison," the imaginary Columbo says in one tweet shown encountering the bounty hunter Jango Fett. "Now here's the thing, Mr... uhh, Fett: normally you can't trace these sorts of things, but this one? It's got these cuts on the side - they give it away instantly. Technology these days, huh?" Fans of the often poorly rated Star Wars: Episode II: Attack of the Clones will likely recognize the wording adapted from a certain scene in that film. The combination of familiar phrases from the Star Wars series and Columbo's own mannerisms (for best results, imagine it in a growly New York-accented voice) go a long way in immersing the reader in what seems to surpass parody straight into loving homage territory.
The actual series of Columbo, which ran off and on from 1968 all the way to 2003, kept audiences entranced with the tendency for every criminal to underestimate the title character due to his affable demeanor. He always had "one more thing" to say, which became a sort of catchphrase that never really got old. Each episode generally began with the crime (usually a murder) being committed as well as the full context surrounding it, giving audiences the whole picture right from the start. The real entertainment came from watching Columbo himself figure things out, and since he tended to play his cards close to his chest, viewers would often try to identify the exact moments where the detective made a particular breakthrough. It was a slow burn that usually kept its one big "gotcha" moment for right at the end. It's no Phoenix Wright, and that's very much a point in its favor.
It's a long thread but it's well worth reading, especially for fans of Falk's brilliant detective character. It may not have been canceled before its time like some Netflix shows, but ever since Columbo went off the air, it left a hole in the hearts of its fans that, arguably, still has yet to be filled. So any taste of that old magic might even feel like coming home to an old friend after all this time.
In the meantime, there are always plenty of other great detective stories out there. Sherlock Holmes always has some new stories to tell (as does Herlock Sholmes, apparently), so that's there for anyone with a hankering. But otherwise, some fond remembrance of the unique style and heart behind Columbo certainly never goes unwarranted. Oh, one more thing. Is Taika Waititi really making his own Star Wars movie? Gee, the stories they come up with these days.
The Star Wars saga is now available on Disney Plus.
Source: @yotsuben/Twitter