Joker from the hit game series Persona 5 is about to be back in the headlines. Persona 5: Royal is coming out at the end of March, and somehow people who already spent 200 hours on the first release (like us) are going to buy it again.
The Phantom Thieves are the main cast in this game, and they're Joker's rag-tag group of rebels who fight against authority by using their smartphones to go into people's hearts and steal their warped desires through a series of "Inner Palaces", changing said villains personality. But, outside of that, Joker is also an accomplished fighter and Persona-user. Well, we've already looked at the heroes, so what demonic villains from other franchises would he be able to beat or not? Let's get digging.
10 Can Beat: Sephiroth From Final Fantasy 7
Just a little under a month now until the first part of Square Enix's new cash cow releases, the Final Fantasy 7 Remake series. And, we're learning more about it with each passing day. A demo came out relatively recently for it, and people are hyped, the game seems to both look great and play fantastically!
One character that made the transition well is Sephiroth, the Jenova experimental subject himself. Now you might be asking, how could Joker beat one of the most renowned villains of our age? Well, honestly, because his final form fight in FF7 already sort of feels like a Persona 5 boss battle. And, if they steal his heart, FF fans will get another much-too-beautiful boy to cheer for.
9 Can't Beat: Albert Wesker From Resident Evil
And, while we're on the topic of genetic experiments like Sephiroth, why don't we move to a more willing volunteer like Albert Wesker. A freakishly emotionless and cold Virologist, Wesker is the mastermind behind a lot of the plots in the Resident Evil franchise. We figured it was apt to talk about him, with the Netflix series on the way and all.
The guy is bad but looks so cool doing it. The guy is self-centered and deranged, but changing that about him by stealing his inner palace's treasure wouldn't even stop him. Why? Because he's eventually going to go out of control anyway due to the Prototype virus, and technically he isn't even human anymore. And, physically, Wesker could easily beat the entire cast of the Phantom Thieves.
8 Can Beat: Master Xehanort From Kingdom Hearts
Going from body modification to modifying the heart, why don't we talk about Xehanort, the big bad of the Kingdom Hearts franchise. Ansem Seeker of Darkness, Young Xehanort, Terra Xehanort, and even Xemnas are all different versions of the same dude. Xehanort has worked with other versions of himself from different points in time and it's all so confusing.
But, if the Phantom Thieves made it through his Palace and stole his treasure, his Grand Plan would end right there. It was revealed in KHIII that Xehanort's goal was nonsensical, but singular in that he wanted control. so if that desire was eliminated or changed, his whole plan would fall apart. Plus, changing the heart of a villain in a game all about hearts and heartless just seems right on brand.
7 Can't Beat: Adam And Eve From Nier: Automata
Nier Automata is another entry in genius-developer Yoko Taro's long list of nihilistic games. This time around, the theme is consciousness, the value of life, and the cyclical nature of violence. In the game, two purely machine lifeforms are created that lead the machine network called Adam and Eve.
Eve was born from Adam himself, and the two brothers are fascinated with the idea of learning about humans, Adam more so than Eve. But, there's one real reason why the Phantom Thieves couldn't beat these guys, and that's because they technically don't have hearts. They aren't cyborgs, they're machines, most likely sentient ones, but still machines nonetheless, so alas, no Inner Palace.
6 Can Beat: Higgs Monaghan From Death Stranding
Death Stranding is another game about the inevitability of death and entropy, because we like to keep things light. In it, Sam Bridges goes up against a terrorist named Higgs who is hellbent on ending the world through the use of an Extinction Entity. The whole plot is a mess, but basically, Higgs is deranged and plagued by nightmares that prompted him towards total annihilation.
Outside of being a repatriate who can revive after death and his ability to control BT's, Higgs is just a normal human. In combat, Joker would likely win against him, and if he stole the Inner Palace treasure, Higgs might find a reason to live and leave the rest of us alone.
5 Can't Beat: GLaDOS From Portal
This next one's going to feel a bit repetitive considering it has the same reasoning as the Adam and Eve entry, but it's still worth talking about. GLaDOS from the Portal series is technically a human turned into a machine, or at the very least the personality, speaking manner, and memories of Aperture's Caroline uploaded to a machine core.
It's unknown if GLaDOS is "sentient" or if it's just insanely complicated programming, but in either case, we're unsure if it could be considered "human" enough to have an Inner Palace. Plus, outside of the palaces, Joker and friends are little more than experienced burglars, so GLaDOS could easily trap them in the testing chambers.
4 Can Beat: Genichiro Ashina From Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice
Genichiro Ashina is one of the central characters in From Software's Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice. Gen is also the current leader of the Ashina clan during the events of the game and is seen dedicating his entire body and mind towards to rebirth of the Ashina's power.
So much so does he want his clan to be reborn that he does all sorts of twisted deeds to achieve it. Twisted being the keyword here, because Genichiro would most assuredly have a palace Joker could break into, which is basically game over for him.
3 Can't Beat: Amelie Strand From Death Stranding
Two of the entries on this list are unbeatable because they've surpassed humanity. Whether it's Wesker's mutated shenanigans or GLaDOS' machine mind, Joker can't steal the heart of something that no longer has one. But, what about something that feigns having one? Massive Death Stranding spoilers here, but we're talking about Amelie here, otherwise known as the Extinction Entity.
Amelie apparently is "The Beach" incarnate that DS is based around, and is the source of the Beached Things. Her entire purpose as a living being is to bring about the destruction of humanity, at least we think it is. So we doubt she has an Inner Palace and if she does, it may be too hard to defeat.
2 Can Beat: Giovanni, Head Of Team Rocket From Pokemon
Giovanni from Pokemon is an evil dude, but he's evil by like, 90's era cartoon standards. There is more of a backstory to him based on what piece of Pokemon media you're watching, but for the most part, he's just a corrupt businessman.
And, that sounds like a perfect target for the Phantom Thieves and their heart-stealing hijinks. Plus, we have to imagine that his Inner Palace is basically just a giant Pokemon Gym, which would be a plus. Using Persona to fight Pokemon sounds like a crossover that we didn't know we needed until now.
1 Can't Beat: Ganondorf/Ganon From Legend Of Zelda
And finally, let's end with another unique example. So, if it's a human with some warped morals or desires, Joker can usually change them for the better. But, what about a person who is the literal incarnation of hatred? Demise is the villain from Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword, and also a pure incarnation of evil.
Spoilers, but obviously, Link defeats Demise by the end. And, with his dying breath, he curses the Heros with Ganon, essentially. So Ganondorf is Demise's curse incarnate, but he still has a human body right? Complete with a heart? Maybe. Either way, Joker can't beat those massive biceps even on a bad day