As the world waits for the itsy bitsy spider that is Marvel’s Black Widow to crawl back up the itsy bitsy spout of cinema into the sunshine of a COVID-free future, there’s a definite vacuum in the world of pop culture. It’s not just blockbuster events like Marvel movies either. Delays have hampered the debut efforts of new films across the board. With the current lack of a certain release date for most films on the horizon one has to wonder: who could make the next MCU? Believe it or not, Nintendo could be a perfect choice.
They have decades of beloved characters and can adapt the existing groundwork of their video games. With the caveat that Nintendo has and always will protect its franchises as family-friendly content. There won’t be a Mario stoner buddy comedy or a Tarantino-esque version of Zelda here, but here’s how Nintendo could create “Phase 1” of their own NCU:
Metroid
The original Metroid was clearly inspired by Alien, so the roots of this film should start there; a survival story set in space. Start by toning down the violence a few notches below chestburster level. Now, follow the story of Colonel Samuel Aran and his daughter, Samus, en route to one of the earliest settlements on a newly found planet.
Shortly after arriving on the planet, it’s discovered the colonists are gone. A large pterodactyl creature (Ridley) has eaten them, and proceeds to eat Colonel Aran as well. Samus must take her father’s power suit and reach the nearest station with an escape pod before being hunted by the creature as well...
End credits scene: a stranded Samus is safe, but in bad shape. As she floats in her escape pod, unconscious, a small ship is seen approaching her. It pulls up next to Samus’ pod and a small, familiar red logo is seen above the ship’s blue wings.
“Fox! Get over here! You gotta see this!” is heard. Cut to black.
Star Fox F-Zero
Fox McCloud is a skilled but reckless pilot whose antics have gotten him discharged from the military. Traveling with him is Slippy Toad. In a past battle, Fox’s father was betrayed and captured by the evil Andross. Andross was defeated, but Fox’s father is still missing.
After encountering the unconscious girl in a pod floating in space, Fox has landed on the nearby planet Silence. Her medical expenses and maintenance to his ship put him short on cash for their next trip out. Samus awakens, distraught by her experience but okay, and thanks Fox for rescuing her before asking where they are. Fox explains they’re on Silence and can leave once they earn a little cash. Samus suggests heading to the famous Big Blue Mute City Speedway just a couple of planets over and competing in the F-Zero Grand Prix. Fox relishes the chance to test his piloting skills.
Local bounty hunters take notice of Samus’ power suit and attempt to follow the heroes to steal it. A chase sequence with plenty of barrel rolls takes place, followed by a shootout in space. Slippy gets a few shots in for good measure as well, Samus cheers him on.
Arriving at the race, their new enemy becomes clear. The reigning champion Captain Falcon hasn’t been defeated in a solid year. Slippy uses the beam from Samus’ suit to provide an extra kick to Fox’s ship, and the modification is successful in giving Fox a last-second surge of speed over the finish line. As the team flies off to rescue Fox’s Dad, Captain Falcon releases a glorious Falcon Punch into the sky, as a salute of respect to his worthy opponents.
End Credits Scene: James McCloud is seen in a prison cell, speaking with a figure hidden in shadow just outside his prison bars. The figure is revealed to be Andross, and on his hand is a large white glove.
Super Mario Bros.
Mario and Luigi are sports superstars and resident plumbers of the Mushroom Kingdom. One day after thwarting another of Bowser’s kidnappings of Princess Peach the two encounter a golden pipe. They fall in after Luigi trips on a koopa shell and they emerge in New Donk City.
Hoping to get home, the plumbers seek out the Mayor of the city, who is rumored to be the daughter of the great scientist E. Gadd. However, Paulina has been kidnapped by Donkey Kong. Mario and Luigi must climb a skyscraper (yes, just like The Rock in that movie Skyscraper) and defeat Donkey Kong. They do so and as the town celebrates, Paulina agrees to take them to meet her father in his lab.
End Credits Scene: Fox McCloud’s ship is seen unattended. The radio sparks to life. “Fox? You there, it’s E. Gadd. I think Andross is about to make his move.”
Super Smash Bros.
Star Fox, Samus, and Slippy arrive at the hideout of Andross on the planet Venom, having homed in on a tracker in James McCloud’s military dog tags. A battle ensues, and at first it appears that the combination of Samus, Fox, and Slippy might be enough to triumph. Andross pulls out a large white glove and places it on his hand. He reveals that the planet will go extinct once he obtains the other Master Hand, a set of gloves that allows the user unlimited power. He then uses the one glove to create a portal and escape.
Fox returns to his ship and hears a message left from E. Gadd which states that Andross is going to make his move, and soon! Fox sets a course with the others for the lab. Upon arriving they meet the Mario Brothers and receive a briefing from the Doctor. Andross has headed for the place at the end of the universe, Final Destination, to obtain the other mythical Master Hand.
After journeying through worlds like Pikmin and Animal Crossing, the team of heroes arrives at Final Destination. Andross has acquired both gloves, and a battle begins. Samus uses her freeze ray, immobilizing Andross’s feet. Fox fires a screen of smoke just near Andross’s head. Andross clears the smoke just in time to see Slippy drop Mario from above while Luigi throws him a Power Star. Mario, glowing, and full of power, jumps on Andross’s head and he is destroyed. The gloves merge into a Smash Ball and fly away from Final Destination. The credits show our heroes returning to their respective homes with the help of E. Gadd, enjoying a well-earned rest.
End Credits Scene: The Smash Ball flies down into a lush, green forest. A sword is seen in the ground in a stone shrine. The Smash Ball merges into the purple hilt of the sword, and the triforce begins to glow. Cut to black, end Phase 1.