War. War never changes. And if there ever was a bigger proof of that, then it would be the Fallout franchise loving its motto just as much as it loves sprinkling in some questionable weapon choices. Some weapons in the Fallout games fall into caveman-tier practicality. That means might as well be sticks and stones with how useful they are in a post-apocalyptic atom-punk world.
But such is the nature of humanity as the Fallout games love to exaggerate it. Everything is a weapon in this game. That's not bad from a gameplay perspective. But some of these ideas regarding what counts as a good weapon are stretched too much. So if the developers want to make weapons out of road signs or even the most cumbersome sci-fi nonsense, then so be it. After all, war never changes.
8 Rock
- Damage: 1-4
- Damage type: Normal
- Location: Nearly everywhere
Fallout and Fallout 2 were thoughtful enough to pay homage to one of the oldest weapons known to mankind. Rocks are made viable as throwing weapons here for those desperate or hungry enough. Of course, this is a video game, so players shouldn't expect to stone some bandits to death too easily.
Rocks are some of the weakest weapons in the first two Fallout games. They can either be used as throwing weapons or as some kind of hand-mace governed by the Unarmed weapon category. But that versatility pales in comparison to the hundreds of thousands of years of human development and technology.
7 Fat Man
- Damage: Varies per game
- Damage type: Mini-nuke, Radiation
- Location: Varies per game
Speaking of human development, the Fat Man is the minuscule representation of humanity's most destructive capabilities. But as a handheld weapon from a tactical and strategic standpoint, it's more ridiculous than useful. Because when it comes to practicality, the power of nuclear weapons lies in deterrence. Having a bigger gun to scare off opponents and prevent war is usually the point of nukes.
With AI as smart as a rock in Fallout 3 and beyond, a nuclear weapon's practical use is diminished. Moreover, Fat Man ammunition has a tendency to be indiscriminate and can easily kill the players just as it can level towns and erase Super Mutants.
6 Deathclaw Gauntlet
- Damage: Varies per game
- Damage type: Normal
- Location: Varies per game/craftable
The Deathclaw Gauntlet is an intimidating trophy weapon and all, but once players have gotten past the initial awe, it's easy to criticize some of the questionable engineering choices regarding this weapon. It's a claw or fist weapon made from one of the toughest and sharpest bones in the game.
In that case, a spear or a pike would've made for a more reliable and safer weapon. Instead, whoever crafted this though to put themselves in a more dangerous melee range. Not to mention human punching power can be less powerful than a spear that can utilize the muscle force of two arms at the same time.
5 Nuka Breaker (Fallout: New Vegas)
- Damage: 50
- Damage type: Normal
- Location: Mick & Ralph's, Gun Runners
At least the Nuka Breaker is modeled after the practicality of a hammer. That makes it the smarter weapon when compared to the Deathclaw Gauntlet. The materials used for crafting it, however, set it back two steps. The Nuka Breaker from Fallout: New Vegas is an electronic signboard attached to a metal bar.
The logic is that this electronic signboard should be able to deal electric damage, but it has no business withstanding a single smack against any organic target, let alone a synthetic one. At best, it's a novelty or comedy weapon where you have to suspend your disbelief too much.
4 Rock-It Launcher (Fallout 3)
- Damage: 50
- Damage type: Normal
- Location: Crafted
There's always an outrageous and structurally unsound gun in any Fallout game. In Fallout 3, the Rock-It Launcher fills the role. It's supposedly an improvised gun that can use any improvised ammunition from teddy bears to heads of fallen enemies.
Except it doesn't really do much damage compared to just whacking everything in sight with a melee weapon. The range of this thing is also laughable, and it has an ammunition cap of just one round. Oh, and it also breaks after launching 100 objects. So much for "rocking it."
3 Flare Gun (Fallout 4)
- Damage: 10
- Damage type: Fire
- Location: Preston Garvey after completing the quest The First Step
The Flare Gun in Fallout 4 isn't exactly a weapon. These things were originally invented as signals. That's also what it does in Fallout 4; Preston Garvey will give it to the players after the introductory quest for the Minutemen. If players use it, they can expect Minutemen reinforcements.
Except the Minutemen can't even help themselves. So at best, players will just be calling in sacrificial lambs to distract whatever it is that's killing them. It's also worth noting that the Minutemen can't even protect their own settlements, so this Flare Gun is just Preston Garvey's cruel joke.
2 Commie Whacker (Fallout 4)
- Damage: 20
- Damage type: Normal
- Location: Nuka-cade, Nuka-World Junkyard
For a civilization intent on pandering to the Red Scare and viewing communists as threats, the fictional US in Fallout 4 made some pretty embarrassing weapons to combat threats to homeland security. Liberty Prime in Fallout 3 was a clunky maniacal robot. And then there's this toy mallet in Fallout 4 called the Commie Whacker.
In its defense, the bludgeoning weapon was designed by the Coca-Cola equivalent of the Fallout universe. Their R&D department clearly lacked military engineering acumen and this was the best pro-capitalist weapon they could mass-produce.
1 Boxing Glove (Fallout 4)
- Damage: 9
- Damage type: Normal
- Location: Vendors, boxing gym, Andrew Station
Not much explanation is needed here as to why punching isn't a smart fighting method in a world filled with guns. Some madman probably irradiated their brain too much and thought that the funky green water they accidentally drank gave them invulnerability.
But in any case, the Boxing Glove is a poor weapon even from a gameplay perspective. It not only deals low damage but all the upgrades in the world still won't address its biggest weaknesses which are range and low damage. These gloves will only be viable if players float like a Bloatfly and sting like a Bloodbug. But even then, biting the opponent's ear will still be more effective.