Armor is supposed to protect its wearer. But at some point in video game history, developers probably thought that would be boring. So they gave some armor pieces a bit of personality, with some going as far as contradicting their original intended purpose. Such an antithesis to the concept of armor can be seen in full force in Elden Ring.
That lovely stress relief of a video game has armor that doesn't protect, armor that's actually for sleeping, and even armor that's obviously just a bad case of fungal infection. Sure enough, they're about as protective as they look. But luckily, armor having protection in Elden Ring doesn't matter much. Players will die countless times regardless. Still, players will want to lower their expectations when wearing these armor sets.
8 Azur's Glintstone/Lusat's Set
- Location: North of Hermit Village (Azur), Sellia Hideaway (Lusat)
These two armor sets stick out like sore thumbs, primarily because of their helmets. Both the helmets for the Azur and Lusat wizard robe set are, apparently, the brains of their original owners. Both of them studied the stars so much, that their skulls became antique shop trinkets. In that case, this makes their helmets risky.
One hammer to their head is all it takes to spill out their eternal knowledge about the stars. It's no wonder both of them got imprisoned and exiled too easily. Gameplay-wise, neither of these armor sets fare well against physical attacks. They're mostly made out of cloth, so that's to be expected. The only time Azur's helmet gives an advantage is when players use Comet Azur, which is an equally impractical spell.
7 Bloodsoaked Set
- Location: Subterranean Shunning-Grounds (near Underground Roadside) and Mountaintops of the Giants (near the lift)
Someone really thought that used and bloody bandages — which are probably infected with hepatitis or something — could make for good armor. After all, the Bloodsoaked set is literally just a bunch of pre-owned (but not pre-loved) bandages. At least, that goes for the helmet and the gauntlet pieces.
But even the body armor piece isn't too appealing when it comes to any sort of defense be it physical or elemental. The Official's Attire is basically just an old and dingy robe, which perhaps looks good for cosplaying as a vengeful and wealthy burn victim. But no one who values their life or the cleanliness of their skin will opt to wear this kind of armor.
6 Prophet Set
- Location: Hermit Merchant at the Leyndell Hermit Merchant's Shack in Leyndell
The Prophet set is also the starting armor set for the Prophet class. But one has to wonder what these faithful war priests had in mind. They clearly thought that going into battle with their tattered robes and manacles was a good idea and wouldn't impede them in battle. They could have at least taken off the neck pillory.
Or maybe they couldn't, which probably explains the old and faded robe. They couldn't take that clothing off because someone threw away the keys to their pillories. Moreover, the helmet is a mere blindfold. What happens then if the wearer's faith isn't high or strong enough to let them see their god's enemies?
5 Deathbed Set
- Location: Lower Capital Church grace in Leyndell, Royal Capital, on a bed
This armor set offers almost no protection against physical damage, and poor protection against magical and elemental attacks. It looks great though, regardless of the wearer's gender. Too bad the wearers can't expect to keep their shoulders and collar bones intact if they take this into battle.
Apparently, it also belongs to Fia, the Deathbed companion. It was supposedly one of her working attire before she became Tarnished. It's also worth noting that it has a missing cut, component which is practically a thong, called Deathbed smalls. That doesn't help the armor one bit when it comes to keeping its wearer alive.
4 Godskin Noble Set
- Location: Divine Tower of Liurnia
The Godskin Noble set gives players the exact same look as the Godskin Noble bosses or enemies. These things are practically fat suits made out of actual human skin and fatty tissues. The same goes for the Godskin Apostle set. But at least the latter won't bog down its wearer with unnecessary weight.
The Godskin Noble set notably weighs more, but despite the increased weight, it doesn't really add as much protection. So despite the grizzly appearance of this armor, players shouldn't expect it to provide any substantial defense. It works well against magic or holy attacks, but that's about it. There are better ways of avoiding those damage types.
3 Goldmask's Set
- Location: Below the hill housing the Leyndell Colosseum after players defeat Maliketh
This is one of the rarer armor sets in the game, because no one really knows what Goldmask is up to. So finding it without a guide can be quite a trophy for a lot of players. But even so, it's more of an ornamental piece, because this armor set is but a mere bikini.
It has good magic and elemental defense, but the physical damage mitigation is almost useless. Besides, players should think twice about wearing this. Goldmask looks like he hasn't bathed since the creation of the universe; it's also his secondhand bikini.
2 Marionette Soldier Set
- Location: Dropped by Marionette Soldiers in Raya Lucaria Academy or Mt. Gelmir
While the other peculiar armor sets here at least look stylish or ornamental, the Marionette Soldier set has no redeeming qualities. The set only has two pieces: the helmet, and the body armor. "Armor" is also a misnomer here, since this set is just an old, rusty cage.
The armor's original wearers probably just couldn't get out of the cage or have stopped caring what the world thought of them. Sure enough, the Marionette soldiers who wore them are actually just puppets whom sorcerers control; that means they have lost their will and personalities.
1 Mushroom Set
- Location: Lake of Rot (helmet), and Seethewater Cave in Mt. Gelmir
In some far-flung parallel universe, metal probably became so scarce that people started looking for alternatives in making armor — and the best they could substitute were mushrooms. This set is one of the most disgusting armor pieces in the game.
In fact, the only reason to wear it is for the helmet bonus, which increases Attack Rating upon triggering Poison. Everything else about the armor is horrific, from appearance to stats. Even with the helmet bonus, looking like a walking case of extreme fungal disease isn't worth it.
Elden Ring is available on PC, PS4, PS5, Xbox One, and Xbox Series X/S.