Though united by their stupidity, each of the five central characters in It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia brings something slightly different to the table. Frank is vulgar, Charlie is naive, Mac is insecure, Dee is selfish, and Dennis is a narcissistic sociopath who should not be allowed within fifty feet of women. Despite this, however, the latter has come out with some excellent quotes over the years.
The humor that Dennis brings to It's Always Sunny is often a little different from that which is contributed by other members of the gang. It's that kind of awkward humor that delicately straddles the border between funny and frightening and has in many ways defined his character over the last fifteen years. These are some of the very best Dennis quotes and the context in which they were used.
7 "The thunder of my vengeance will echo through these corridors like the gust of a thousand winds!" (S06E12)
The frequency with which Dennis flips into meltdown really is quite alarming. Whether threatening to unleash his fury on a time-wasting tire-kicker "like the crashing of a thousand waves" or going all nordic on a hospital administrator for not getting his heavily pregnant sister a room of her own, the results can sometimes be a little scary. To Dennis' credit though, his rants do tend to be beautifully composed.
Sadly, in the case of the hospital administrator, the threat of Thor's Hammer doesn't have the desired effect, which forces Dee and Dennis to take matters into their own hands. After pulling off their own Weekend at Bernie's-style shenanigans to dispose of Dee's very undead roommate, Dennis points out that the movie would have been a whole lot darker were it not for the sunglasses before suggesting that they throw the poor man in the trash.
6 "Is one crack rock enough?" (S02E03)
Dennis' laziness has been evident since the very beginning of the show, with the spoilt sibling often taking shortcuts to avoid having to put in a real shift. This all comes to a head when Frank demands that Dennis and Dee start pulling their weight at the bar, which leads to the golden geese quitting Paddy's to pursue their dreams. Naturally, they end up claiming unemployment benefits almost straight away and soon have a scheme in place to secure long-term welfare.
When simply telling the welfare office that they are addicted to drugs doesn't work, the pair decide to go out and buy some crack instead. As two incredibly spoilt members of the middle-class, however, neither really has any idea what they're doing and this leads to a very amusing encounter with a drug dealer. Ironically, the pair end up missing their scheduled drug test, which prevents them from getting on welfare. Worse still, they both end up addicted to crack.
5 "I banged your girlfriend." (S03E01)
More than most of the characters in It's Always Sunny, Dennis is incredibly easy to offend. What's more, as well as having a short-fuse, he also has an insatiable thirst for vengeance. This vengeance is typically swift and savage in nature, as Azrael the unfortunate hippy discovers in the season three premiere. All he does is make the unforgivable mistake of questioning Dennis' motives, which in turn leads to the latter coming up with an insanely over-the-top revenge scheme.
First, Dennis tricks Azrael into chaining himself to a tree and then proceeds to seduce the hippy's girlfriend Sage while The Doors' iconic track Riders on the Storm plays out. Fittingly, there's a terrible storm raging as this is all going on, meaning that when Dennis returns to unchain Azrael the following morning, he's in pretty bad shape. Rather than help him, however, Dennis brings in a wrecking crew to tear the tree down and then casually delivers the bad news about Sage.
4 "Separate entirely." (S05E10)
Much like the many sleazy "pickup artists" on YouTube, Dennis has his own system for meeting women. In fact, many of the early steps involved are quite similar, with Dennis keen to demonstrate his value and engage the women physically in the opening stages of the "relationship." From there, however, the D.E.N.N.I.S. system takes things to extremes so disgustingly depraved that even the YouTube shysters would hopefully be appalled.
The next step is to nurture dependence, which usually entails scaring the women with the threat of physical violence from a fictional third party. He follows this up by neglecting them, which then allows him to inspire hope by returning a few weeks later. Finally, he slinks away into the night, separating from the women entirely and moving on to his next target. This sleazy system says an awful lot about Dennis and makes his attitude towards the opposite sex perfectly clear.
3 "Because of the implication." (S06E03)
If the D.E.N.N.I.S. system wasn't already dark enough, then Dennis' use of potentially dangerous situations to have his way with women surely is. As he explains to Mac, when trapped on a boat out at sea, people are very unlikely to say no to him due to the potential consequences of them doing so. Even Mac is a little shocked by this and pushes Dennis to confirm that these theoretical women aren't actually in any danger, but Dennis is unable to do so convincingly.
Viewers actually get a chance to see Dennis test this theory out when the gang goes on a cruise in season 11. Things don't end up going to plan for the womanizing sociopath though and he's quite rightly locked up in the ship's brig as a result. It ends up being an incredibly harrowing scene and one that's in stark contrast to the one with Mac from a few seasons earlier in terms of tone.
2 "I am a five-star man!" (S10E02)
Though much of his sexual conquests come through disgusting schemes and systems, Dennis really does care what women think about him. Viewers first get a glimpse of this in season 2 when he starves himself after being told that his face is starting to look a little fat, but it's perhaps most evident during season 10 when the gang tries group dating. Unsurprisingly, perhaps, things don't go particularly well.
Women see straight through his flimflams, leading many of them to leave him a poor rating on the dating app that the gang is using. As his rating falls lower and lower, Dennis begins to obsess over it, leading to multiple meltdowns throughout the course of the episode. Unfortunately, however, no matter how many times he repeats it, he's unable to improve his rating and become the "five-star man" that he so firmly believes himself to be.
1 "I am the golden god." (S07E12)
As well as being a dangerous sociopath, Dennis is also a massive narcissist. Viewers see this constantly during the series through his incessant babbling about being the perfect man, but there are times when he takes this idea a step or two further. In season 7, his overinflated ego sees him refer to himself as a "golden god," though it's soon revealed that these unhealthy delusions of grandeur are not exactly new.
Ahead of the gang's high school reunion, Dennis repeatedly talks about having been a golden god during his time in education. His former best friend Tim Murphy later reveals that this self-given nickname isn't one that Dennis made up in his later years, but instead one that he'd been using since his time at school. This confrontation also leads to Dennis claiming the title of "King of the minions," though compared to being a god, being a king (or a five-star man, for that matter) really isn't all that impressive.