When compared with the other main characters in It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Sweet Dee is arguably the most normal. Given how messed up the rest of the gang are, that's not really saying all that much, though it is quite impressive given how much verbal abuse she's had to put up with over the years, with Charlie, Mac, Frank, and Dennis constantly berating her due to her supposed bird-like features.
Rather than rolling over and playing the victim, however, Dee often chooses to bite back and has delivered some fantastic insults to her long-time tormentors over the years. She's also had plenty of memorable encounters with some of the show's secondary characters, which have led to plenty of excellent verbal exchanges. Those looking for the very best Dee quotes can find them down below.
7 "He's not covered in stupid tattoos and he doesn't have a cigarette for a mother." (S09E03)
Though the gang like to pretend that they don't care what anybody else thinks about them, the fact that Paddy's has never won an award really grinds their gears. In season 9, they attempt to right this perceived wrong and visit a rival bar to find out what they've been doing wrong. They ultimately decide that a fictional "will they, won't they?" style relationship between Dee and Mac might help to lighten the atmosphere in the bar and improve their chances of winning, but things don't quite go to plan.
While their idea certainly seems like a good one at first glance, it fails to take into account one important factor: Dee and Mac hate each other. As a result, it doesn't take long until the pair are at each other's throats, with Mac insulting Dee's fictional boyfriend and Dee clapping back with an incredibly fiery burn about his mom. This is far from the only time that Dee defends herself when verbally abused by her coworkers, but it's definitely one of the most memorable examples.
6 "Wrong number." (S06E09)
After suffering years of physical and emotional abuse at Paddy's, Dee eventually decides to find herself a real job. Concerningly, she's entrusted with a teaching position at her former school, with Charlie somehow also able to find employment there as a janitor. The rest of the gang quickly get bored without Dee and Charlie around to belittle though and soon resort to prank calling Dee while she's at her new job.
Had she simply heard them out and then proclaimed it to have been a wrong number, those around her would have had very little reason to doubt her. Unfortunately, however, she'd just come out of a foul-mouthed rant in which she called her long-time tormentors "dumbass d*ckbags." This ends up being somewhat inconsequential in the end, as both Dee and Charlie are fired during the closing stages of the episode for showing the students the gang's homemade Lethal Weapon 3 sequel.
5 "Your mom doesn't know d*ck." (S07E03)
In her younger days, Sweet Dee used to enter herself into child beauty pageants in an attempt to improve her sense of self-worth. Many years later, she finds herself supervising a beauty pageant at the bar and attempts to impart some of her wisdom to one of the young entrants. When her initial attempts at friendship are rudely rebuffed, she instead turns to the girl's older sister and launches into a foul-mouthed tirade about the girl's mother and sibling.
After saying "a lot of bad words," she begins to "mentor" the young girl, who's far more interested in doing her homework than she is in competing in the pageant. This all culminates with Dee and the girl performing a song and dance routine titled "Moms Stink" during the pageant, which, unsurprisingly, perhaps, doesn't go down too well with any of the parents in attendance. To her credit though, it does get a better response than Frank's "Do not diddle kids" song.
4 "You light one b***h on fire and everybody freaks out!" (S09E02)
Frank's love of guns is one of his defining qualities, but gun ownership isn't a passion that's shared by his children. In an attempt to prove how easy it is to get one's hands on an assault rifle, the pair visit Gunther's gunshop. Much to their surprise, however, Gunther carries out a background check on the pair, and both end up failing spectacularly. Dennis, for his long list of felonies, and Dee for being institutionalized after setting her college roommate on fire.
Though the show doesn't go into the specifics of the incident in question, Dee's response to the news is comedy gold. After brushing it off as an insignificant incident, she leaves with Dennis to look for another place that sells guns. Worryingly, it doesn't take the pair long to find somebody willing to sell them an AR-15 without doing a background check, although they're once again refused service after threatening the seller with the very gun they were trying to buy.
3 "I am a golden goddess." (S13E05)
After Dennis allows Mac to blow up his cherished Range Rover with an RPG, he finds himself in the market for a new automobile. Unfortunately, however, he doesn't have nearly enough money for the 2018 Range Rover that he's had his eye on and so ends up settling on a Prius instead. Naturally, Frank buys the Range Rover for himself just to spite his son, but, upon realizing that his driver's license has been expired for almost three and a half decades, he's forced to hand over the keys to Sweet Dee.
Having typically driven much smaller and cheaper cars in the past, Dee is completely blown away by how powerful the car is and it soon goes to her head. She begins talking down to other drivers, and, in a nice nod to the season 7 finale in which Dennis repeatedly refers to himself as a "golden god," begins to call herself a "golden goddess." It all ends in tears though, with Dee crashing the Range Rover after accidentally sleeping with her rival's underage son.
2 "Groban likes his ladies to pop." (S06E06)
When Mac's mother burns her house down after falling asleep with a lit cigarette in her mouth, Frank begins to worry about what's going to happen to him when he becomes too old to take care of himself. Following a suggestion from Dennis, he decides to help Dee to get over a stubborn cold in the hopes that she'll return the favor somewhere further down the line. Among other things, Dee has him do her laundry for her ahead of an upcoming Josh Groban concert.
According to Dee, it's important that Frank gets her shorts as white as possible because "Groban likes his ladies to pop." She actually mentions this multiple times throughout the episode, helping to cement the line's place in It's Always Sunny history despite her not actually making it to the concert. Josh Groben did eventually appear on the show though, appearing in one of Dee's fantasies in season 9. In the scene, the pair end up getting married, though she later divorces him and marries Brad Pitt instead.
1 "You guys all better eat a d*ck, 'cause Sweet Dee beat the system." (S07E04)
Having been on the air for more than fifteen years, it should come as little surprise that It's Always Sunny has a lot of running gags. One of the most iconic involves the title card, which often contradicts something that one of the characters says just before it appears on the screen. There have been plenty of memorable examples of this over the years, but few can compare with the season 7 episode, Sweet Dee Gets Audited.
The episode begins with Dee bragging to the rest of the gang about how she's been able to successfully claim benefits for a fictional child, only for the title card to set the record straight just a few moments later. The rest of the episode is equally hilarious, with the gang going on to stage a fake funeral for baby Barnabas to prevent the IRS from taking a closer look at Frank's money laundering business, Wolf Cola.