Nearly twenty years after the final film in the Indiana Jones trilogy, the principal cast and crew reunited for another go-round. For this production, Spielberg, Lucas, Ford, and the returning love interest Karen Allen set out to pay homage to 1950’s science fiction B-movies...using a franchise about archaeological adventure, heroism, and battling Nazis. They set themselves up for a clash of genres rarely seen on screen since From Dusk Till Dawn. Except that movie handled the genre-blending way more deftly. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull was a heap of confusion and nonsense. Out of all the questionable, unrealistic scenarios that take place in this 122-minute misuse of a beloved franchise, this one scene is by far the most baffling.
1981’s Raiders of the Lost Ark established a new hero to the tapestry of cinema: Indiana Jones. A clever, passionate, near-scoundrel of a university professor who delves into ancient crypts and faces off against those who would abuse archaeological relics for financial (or supernatural) gain. It spawned two awesome sequels, Temple of Doom in 1984, and the Last Crusade in 1989. The Indiana Jones franchise created a whole world for itself. Its iconic music, visual style, and main character were as popular and beloved as George Lucas’ other phenomenon, Star Wars. Having Steven Spielberg direct made the franchise all the greater, as his hand is as defining and impactful of Eighties cinema as Lucas’ own.
Upon the trilogy’s closing, it seemed like the errant adventures of the late 1930’s hero had run their last. By then, Jones had fought Nazis for the Ark of the Covenant, an Indian death cult to rescue a village’s children, and Nazis some more for the Holy Grail. If they were to continue with the franchise (at that time) they would have to make Indiana Jones deal with the subject of the Second World War. Somehow, that horrendous conflict just does not seem to vibe with the lighter tone of the action-adventure franchise. The only direction they could go would be to skip ahead a decade and pick up from there. Which is exactly what they did for the 2008 follow-up.
Kingdom of the Crystal Skull follows a much older Indiana Jones in the 1950s. Instead of Nazis, he is competing with the Soviets to find a mysterious and forbidden object from South America – the eponymous crystal skull. Additionally, he must rescue his long-lost love interest, who is also the mother of his uninvited companion Mutt (played by Shia LeBeouf). The Soviet team is led by the delightful Cate Blanchett as Irina Spalko. Although her over-the-top performance is probably the best thing in the movie, it cannot rescue it from the dumpster bin of dumb plot decisions and overuse of CGI.
Before the scene in question is dissected, here is a quick rattle of some of the most memorable nonsense this movie gets up to: Indiana survives an atomic bomb blast by hiding in a refrigerator; the good guys have a car chase with the Soviets through a Peruvian jungle that involves vine-swinging and monkeys; and of course the cherry on top, the movie ends with a reveal of an alien ship, or vortex, or whatever that was, that would make even the most entrenched alien conspiracy theorist shout "baloney" at the screen.
Now, of all the unbelievable sequences that went on in this movie, the worst happens near the end. Indiana and the team approach an Amazonian city of ruins only to be overrun by native defenders. The hilarious nonsense happens the split second the good guys enter the temple. Out of cylindrical chutes evidently built along the temple walls, a swarm of Amazonians tumble out to chase them as if on some choreographed cue.
This scene opens a whole can of disbelief. Who are those guys? Who told them that enemies were approaching? And who told them to simultaneously leap out at the exact moment the enemies entered the temple? How did they even know to climb into the chutes earlier to prepare for the arrival of enemies? How long were they inside the chutes before Indiana and company approached? Do they do rehearsals or drills for this kind of attack? What if Indiana and his team came by a different entrance, would those Amazonian tribesmen have to exit their chutes, run over to the other side of the temple, load themselves up, and then wait for the signal to fire themselves out? Or is there a whole squad of chute dwellers lying in wait at the other entrance just in case? Do they take shifts? If we examine this action set piece from a big-picture perspective, the whole thing falls apart.
First, no one has contact with these tribesmen, so the chute dwellers could not have been tipped off earlier to visitors. This means that the group of natives who were inside the chutes were in there despite the activities of the Soviets or Indiana Jones. So, they were just in there for the fun of it? Second, when Indiana and his friends come up to the temple, somehow each of those natives received a signal, or hear a bell or something, alarming them to the intruders and that they had to burst out of the chutes to make chase. How does that whole process work? Do they have a system of tin cans wired to strings between each chute? Does it lead all the way up to a crow’s nest way above the temple who constantly watches for any outsiders? What other kind of wacky defense tactics do they employ?
All of this seems like a simple gripe, but it is so absurd that it forces the mind to ask a whole series of questions that totally ruins an already daffy movie. There are set limits and boundaries to the suspension of disbelief afforded to movies. Kingdom of the Crystal Skull spent all its karma into deficit.
For all of Kingdom of the Crystal Skull's faults, it has not totally killed the Indiana Jones movie franchise. Both Lucasfilm and then Disney (after they bought Lucasfilm) confirmed the production of a fifth sequel due out next year. So far as anyone knows there has been no filming yet, but a script is in the works and a director has been hired, James Mangold of Logan and Ford v Ferrari fame. The COVID pandemic is likely the cause of the release date being pushed back from the summer of 2020 to the summer of 2022. Here is hoping that the next release course corrects the character and the franchise and that fans will get many more years of Indiana Jones glory on the big screen.