Vice City might be 24-carat gold these days, but that doesn't mean anyone who wants a piece of that pie has class. Almost everyone in Grand Theft Auto: Vice City is a terrible person. Even Tommy Vercetti, the protagonist— especially Tommy Vercetti. So while most of the words each of the characters utter in Vice City makes it unfathomable how they kiss their mothers with their mouths, it's also a source of comedic treasure.
Vice City is rife with black comedy and underneath all the crass and heartless dialogue is an underlying brilliance into the character dynamics. It does help that Vice City has some of the highest-caliber actors known to crime and gangster films. The delivery of their rather callously rude lines makes the dialogue memorable enough for some cherry-picked quotes.
10 Hmm. Nice bike.
It sounds a little too basic, even when uttered by Tommy Vercetti (Ray Liotta) himself. But him saying nice bike and then stealing it from someone else pretty much encapsulates what Grand Theft Auto is all about. In a nutshell, players steal cars or other vehicles and get away with it.
It also captures Tommy's deranged and sociopathic attitude about everyone else around him. All he cares about is himself and his reputation, making him one of the cruelest GTA protagonists in history. The fact that players can run over the motorcycle's owner after stealing their bike makes this line even more criminally evil.
9 It's time for Mr. Lance Vance dance!
A lot of players might miss this golden piece of dialogue since it happens during a rather intense shootout and boat-chase sequence instead of a cutscene. Lance Vance lets go of this spicy rhyme in the heat of the moment before he unloads a scalding serving of lead slugs from his assault rifle onto some hapless gangsters.
All that happens while Tommy is driving a boat with expert agility in the tight Vice City bay. It's like a spy film set in Florida, complete with 1980s disco music. It's no wonder why Lance becomes inventive during such a beautiful GTA moment.
8 He killed my brother. What do you expect me to do, mow his lawns?
Speaking of Lance Vance, he actually experienced some rather tough tragedies in-game despite his slick demeanor. Diaz killed his brother Victor during the opening sequence (the drug exchange). It was only later that Lance found out about his brother's demise thanks to Tommy's investigation.
Thus, one really can't blame Lance for going all out on Diaz, or at least trying. He basically went out on his own and attempted to kill Diaz regardless of Tommy's plans. This nearly cost him his life and somewhat foreshadowed Lance's impulsiveness and instability.
7 I trusted you, Tommy. I woulda had you made...
Thankfully, Lance messing up Tommy's plans didn't matter much as the latter was an expert at improvisation. He's the Forelli family hitman, after all, and often knew what it takes to be a one-man army. One of the most epic moments in the game was when Tommy and Lance single-handedly assaulted Ricardo Diaz's mansion.
It was an uphill battle and also one of the more challenging missions in the game. The payoff was great though as players get to see Tommy overtaking Diaz's crime empire. Diaz, as expected of a treacherous slime, tried to play his final desperate friend and mentor card. Too bad Tommy is a ruthless mafia hitman.
6 Dumb. Florida. Moron.
While Tommy is considered quite the butcher by the Forelli crime family, that doesn't mean he has bullets for brains. In fact, he's quite witty and clever when needed. Tommy is no doubt an effective gangster and someone who rarely commits mistakes. He also hates the South.
That's why he blurts out this genuine reaction after a random careless car driver runs over a blue-collar worker in Vice City. It did give Tommy a handy hammer for a mission but it seems the Florida heat was getting to him and he was starting to dislike the place and its citizens.
5 You took fifteen years from me, Sonny, and now I'm gonna make you pay!
After Tommy set up his own empire on the ashes of Diaz's, it was only a matter of time before Lance betrays him. Lance did the worst thing imaginable and called Sonny Forelli upon Tommy so that the latter could pay his dues. Tommy had something else in mind.
For him, not giving back Sonny's money was simply fair payment for the 15 years of his life that he had to lose after an assassination mission for Sonny went awry. It did seem that Tommy learned a lot in his time in prison. It's that his boss doesn't care about him. Well, former boss in this case.
4 No. I just wanted to piss you off before I kill you.
Tommy was still clever even under the pressure of Sonny arriving at his doorstep though. His plan was to just give Sonny some counterfeit unusable money— three million in fake cash. Lance had other things in mind and informed Sonny of Tommy's plan.
When Sonny found out and confronted Tommy about it, what did the latter do? Did he panic? Did he wither or stutter? No, he gave one of the most defiant threats ever in the history of fictional crime dramas. Tommy's astute improvisation was at its best here.
3 You know, Ken. I think this could be the beginning of a beautiful business relationship...
Full quote: You know, Ken. I think this could be the beginning of a beautiful business relationship... After all, you're a conniving, backstabbing, two-bit thief and I'm a convicted psychotic killer and dealer.
Gotta hand it to Tommy here, he was betrayed by his best friend and got nearly killed by his former boss' army. This didn't shake him up one bit and he even came to a realization that the only ally he needed was the one he had all along from the start: Ken Rosenberg.
Rosenberg served as Tommy's lawyer and from the game's ending henceforth, his business partner. It's a good thing Ken was on the same page and he certainly wasn't as two-faced as Lance. He managed to live on until San Andreas despite his anxiety and paranoia.
2 Who does this guy think he is? Now I gotta dress like a chump as well as hang out with him?! I like this shirt...
Speaking of being two-faced, Tommy is quite the expert here. During the first few missions of the game, he was rather vocal about his displeasure with the South and with Vice City. He was forced to be a socialite in order to gain Juan Cortez's trust.
So Tommy had to adjust and buy some fancy clothes to fit the occasion. It just so happens that Cortez himself is quite the socialite who loves to throw parties on his yacht and invite the most glamorous and famous of people.
1 VERCETTI! Remember the name!!
It's hard enough being an upstart crime lord in Vice City, now Tommy also has to convince everyone that he means business. That meant destroying the livelihoods of anyone not willing to pay some extortion tax. Tommy had to do it himself, of course, and a crime lord smashing windows and committing arson on business establishments can look rather undignified.
Still, Tommy made it look brutal and even shouts to the poor merchants this heated line. He's the new kingpin in town and everyone better acknowledge him. No other GTA protagonist has ever managed to achieve this kind of arrogance and confidence again.