At one point it was almost a certainty that Grand Theft Auto 5 would be releasing in 2012. The first trailer came out last fall and analyst predictions had it coming out by this fall, but it remains mysteriously without a release window. GTAV didn’t make the surprise appearance we were hoping for at E3 2012, and it won’t be making an appearance GamesCom either.
We hoped to learn more from Take-Two Interactive’s investors call yesterday evening, but instead all questions – and there were a lot of them – about the next Grand Theft Auto were dodged by CEO Strauss Zelnick. But we’re not left with nothing as Take-Two launched a clever bit of marketing for Grand Theft Auto 5 that until now has remained under the radar.
Fans of the GTA series may recognize the Epsilon Program from Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas where it was first introduced not only in the game, but as a teaser site before it launched. That site (http://www.epsilonprogram.com/) has been updated and now has a Twitter account: @EpsilonismToday. The account was launched last week and only has three tweets, the latest of which came earlier today to reveal the “FACT” that they are the fastest growing religion in America.
Want to know more fun “facts”? Then enjoy the following. You’ll need to know them inside and out if you wish to follow Kifflom.
The 12 Tenets of Kifflom
- The world is 157 years old – FACT!
- Dinosaurs are a lie that people believe because they are weak – FACT!
- You are happy, you just don’t know it – FACT!
- We all come from the same tree – FACT!
- Everyone is related to everyone else, except for people with red hair – FACT!
- Sperm does not exist – it is a lie spread by biology teachers – along with everything else you have ever been told – FACT!
- Men are supposed to lie with nine new partners a week. Women are supposed to lie with six, except for in July, when they must lie with five men a day – FACT!
- Aliens exist and are present on earth. If you have a birth mark, you may be descended from Kraff, the famous Emperor of the 4th Paradigm – FACT!
- Trees talk, but only some people hear them – FACT!
- People who believe in something live much longer than atheists, and they have eternal life thrown in for good measure – FACT!
- If you believe this and turn you hands and wallet over to EPSILONISM, you’ll live a happy life. Otherwise you are doomed – FACT!
- KIFFLOM – HAPPINESS IS YOURS! KIFFLOM!
The Epsilon cult and their ideals have been referenced in every GTA title since San Andreas and are meant to parody Scientology. The relatively simple website features six options in the main navigation, two of which are the same (asking for money). If you do wish to donate to the cause, give the Epsilon Program a call at this totally real phone number: 1-555-FUN-CULT. Don’t believe it? Head to the official Epsilong site to read testimonials from the good people of San Andreas and Liberty City.
With the first (and very polished looking) gameplay trailer releasing last year, new screenshots last month and now the Epsilon Program coming back to life, can we expect news soon on Grand Theft Auto 5? Is there any chance at all it can still come this year, or will it join BioShock: Infinite and XCOM: Enemy Unknown as games we thought were coming in 2012, but are coming in 2013 instead?
Follow me on Twitter @rob_keyes.