Rockstar Updates ‘Grand Theft Auto 5’ Website, Adds Fake Los Santos Commercials

By | 3 years ago 

Grand Theft Auto 5 Steve Haynes

Rockstar Games is on a roll right now and with anticipation for Grand Theft Auto 5 already red-hot as we enter the final stretch, they are doing everything they can to make it white-hot. We’ve seen a seemingly never-ending barrage of information doled out nearly daily recently, with things being announced and unveiled like the official trailer, the list of songs and radio stations, news that Rockstar will be using actual gangsters in V.O. roles, a recreation of the Bravado Banshee being made to lotto off to a lucky gamer, and a quote from Rockstar North’s Phil Hooker saying that GTAV already feels “next generation.”

While all that has been happening, Rockstar has also concurrently been keeping up with GTAV‘s official site, an in-depth faux-tourist website for the fictional Los Santos. As we’ve covered before, the website is decked out with 20 clickable tabs and sub-menus focusing on certain elements of Los Santos, from “Shopping and Glamour” and “Beaches and Watersports” to “Friendly Neighbors” and “Leadership You Can Trust.”

Today, the ever-growing berth of information about Los Santos just grew a little bigger, as Rockstar has updated the website to include three new tabs, putting the website four tabs away from overall completion. They are as follows:

Security and Peace of Mind

Grand Theft Auto 5 Security

The “Security and Peace of Mind” tab opens two other options to click on, which includes, appropriately, “Security” and “Peace of Mind.” The “Security” tab leads to the picture of the very cheery man flanked by two guys in sunglasses right above. Along the side, there are three images that turn into looping GIFs if you hover over them.

The “Peace of Mind” tab belongs to the Los Santos Police Department, and includes a police-blotter along the side that highlights LSPD’s general ineptitude, with incidents including their siding with an abuser because his significant other was indeed running her mouth as well as a good old fashioned prostitute gag and their shooting of a dog just for good measure.

Fitness and Relaxation

Grand Theft Auto 5 Ego Chaser

This tab features an awful lot of text to get through, but it’s certainly worth it. Rockstar offers adrenaline-soaked descriptions of the extreme sports of Los Santos and subversively manages to lament the flakiness of each one. Also notably, bears, sharks and wild animals are mentioned prominently, which really invites the brain to imagine what is going to happen if while roaming you find a hiker who has gotten a little off course. The bottom also features an advertisement for “Ego Chaser” energy bars, but we’ll get to that later.

Exciting Music and Entertainment

Grand Theft Auto 5 Gordon Moorehead

Those who have already read Game Rant’s coverage of the expansive list of songs and radio stations of Los Santos won’t really find anything new here other than a batch of slogans and logos for the stations. “Rebel Radio” (sure to be Trevor’s favorite) is known as “the true sound of Blaine County — drunk, armed, and ready to party.” “Vinewood Boulevard Radio” is “the soundtrack to your broken dreams and unspent potential,” and “FlyLo FM” is simply just “a mix to carry you through the Los Santos freeways at top speed.” Given what we know, Vinewood Boulevard Radio sounds right up this writer’s alley.

Conversely, we can also click “Home Entertainment” and learn about one of the upcoming channels, “CMT.” It looks to be an undefined kind of network that will lampoon cartoons and reality television and conservatives and liberals alike.

Lastly, scattered among the entire website is a slew of advertisements for many of Los Santos’ companies, products and services, each filled with stinging take-downs of just about every single demographic of person from all walks of life imaginable. See them for yourselves!

Whether you expect to play GTA V for the biting satire and engrossing storyline or just to plow down competitive cyclers with an airplane, Rockstar is making it clear that they have you more than covered. More importantly, they want to ensure that as we get closer and closer to the game’s release on September 17th, that Grand Theft Auto 5 is the only thing on gamers’ minds.


Grand Theft Auto 5 will be released September 17th, 2013 for the PS3 and the Xbox 360.

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Source: Rockstar Games