Red Dead Redemption II is a brutal and tragic game, but it can also be very, very funny. Like a lot of Rockstar's games, the script is filled with some killer one liners and hilarious situations, even if the overall story is far more serious and morose than the typical Rockstar fare.
Most of the humor comes from Arthur and his utter disregard for the feelings of those around him, but the supporting cast gets more than its fair share of great lines as well.
These are the ten funniest quotes from Red Dead Redemption II, ranked.
10 "You Are The Only Feller Who Got Half Of Their Brain Eaten By Wolves And Ended Up More Intelligent."
Ah, don't you just love the camaraderie between Arthur and John? Their friendly rivalry is on full display in this quote, which is said by Arthur after John shares a surprisingly smart and thought-out train robbery. You can tell that Arthur still shares some resentment for John leaving the group, but he is nevertheless impressed with his plan and his so-called newfound intelligence. It's brotherly ribbing done right, and we love Rockstar for including it.
9 "Wait, Actually It's Ringworm, Rats With The Plague, THEN You."
If it's not John getting the brunt of Arthur's friendly ribbing, it's Uncle. Uncle is infamous for his "lumbago" and general laziness, as he is perfectly content sitting around, eating all the camp's food, and getting drunk. Arthur can't help but tear into him for this, calling him "his favorite parasite." Only, he's NOT Arthur's favorite parasite, as those are both ringworm and rats with the plague. It can't feel good being compared to a ringworm, but when it comes from Arthur, you can't help but laugh.
8 "As Long As We Get Paid Or You Get Shot, I'm Happy."
Poor Uncle never hears the end of it. Uncle goes through the trouble of planning and setting up a robbery, and he actually seems quite enthusiastic about the whole ordeal. We don't blame him, considering he mostly just sits around and gets drunk. For once, he's actually proud to share his ambition with the group, only for Arthur to go ahead and say that he'd be happy if he got shot. Of course he's only joking, but jeez, Arthur man, let the poor old man be proud of himself!
7 "Oh, I Didn't Know I Was Talking To A LADY!"
And with this one line, Arthur became a beloved character. While talking to some call girls in Valentine, Arthur insults one with a snarky response, prompting her to ask if that's anyway to speak to a lady. Arthur in turn drops the most savage line possible, fully eviscerating the call girl and making many a player laugh with delight. The line, the hilarious delivery, and Arthur's goofy expression all combine to make this one of the game's most memorable, and savage, quotes.
6 "Is That Why You Like This Spot?"
No one is safe from the likes of Arthur. Arthur and Kieran's relationship is, oddly enough, one of the most heartwearming things about the game. While Arthur initially treats Kieran like crap for being "an O'Driscoll," he soon learns to respect him once Kieran saves him from death. Arthur eventually goes fishing with Kieran, and along the way, they see a naked man swimming in the water. Kieran points him out, prompting Arthur to ask if naked men is why he likes that specific fishing spot. Arthur just loves tearing into people, doesn't he?
5 "I'm An American!!"
Drunk Arthur is our favorite Arthur. In one of the game's standout missions, Arthur takes Lenny to Valentine for a night of drinking and wild debauchery. While there, they get into some trouble with the locals, forcing them to drunkenly run away. While running, Arthur will yell, "I'm an American!" which is perhaps the greatest non-sequitur in the entire game. It also brings to mind the famous "Oh I'm sorry, I thought this was America!" meme. Red Dead meets South Park. How can you not love it?
4 "You, Sir, Are A Fish."
Arthur is one wacky dude. He will sometimes talk and sing to himself, and he often talks to the animals he meets. This is evident when he fishes. After catching a particular fish, Arthur will sometimes state the obvious, saying, "You, sir, are a fish." We don't know what's funnier - the blunt delivery of the line, the oddly hilarious wording, or the fact that he calls the fish a "sir." Either way, we're sure more than a few of you have begun to say it in your day to day lives. In fact, we know you have. Stop pretending otherwise.
3 "Stop Singing About Geography!"
One of the greatest pastimes in this game is going to the theater and antagonizing the performers. Yeah, it makes you a bit of an a-hole, but this is Arthur Morgan we're talking about here. One of the shows involves a band singing about Saint Denis, which requires the lyrics to mention other cities in the game like Valentine and Rhodes. If you decide to antagonize the singer, Arthur will scream, "Stop singing about geography!" which is equally the most bizarre and humorous takedown we've ever heard.
2 "Hey Mister!"
OK, this quote isn't really funny on its own, but it has quickly become a Red Dead classic thanks to its ridiculous delivery. While riding your horse, you have the option of talking to random passersby. If you choose to be friendly, Arthur will sometimes scream "Hey mister!" at the top of his lungs, absolutely stoked to see another person on the road with him. The obvious enthusiasm, complete with the odd pronunciation "Hey mishter!" easily makes this one of the funniest lines in the game. We crack up every time we hear it.
Here we have more gold from the drunken Arthur and Lenny night out. This scene quickly became a fan favorite and was endlessly memed on the internet in the months following the game's release. Not only is it hilarious to watch and listen to Arthur drunkenly scream Lenny's name, but the in-game prompts are also twisted in unique ways to convey Arthur's drunkenness. He'll also approach many random people and saying something funny like, "I've been looking all over for ya, Lenneh!" making this one of the funniest, and most fun, missions in the entire game.