Square Enix's award-winning MMO Final Fantasy XIV originally launched in 2010, before re-releasing as Final Fantasy XIV: A Realm Reborn in 2013 after some initial teething issues. Since then, the game has gone from strength to strength and has several expansions under its belt and a tight-knit player base. The Final Fantasy XIV community recently came together to mourn the passing of a fellow-player who passed away after contracting COVID-19.
A favorite pastime of Final Fantasy XIV players is to collect minions: little critters that are vanity pets and have no impact on your gameplay or performance, they simply accompany you wherever you go. However, collected minions can battle it out in the mini-game Lord of Verminion. This list will tally some of the best and the worst minions that the game has to offer.
Author's Note: Minions that are purchasable with real money have been excluded from the list. This means there will be no optional item store minions nor those that accompany merchandise purchases.
10 BEST: Abroader Otter
Just when players thought the Odder Otter minion couldn't get any cuter, Square Enix released the Abroader Otter Minion. This little guy looks like he's about to go fishing while on vacation, complete with sunglasses, and the best thing is he does whip out his rod and start fishing occasionally.
This adorable sea pup is a possible reward from company submersible exploratory voyages, or if players want to fast track to getting a fisherman otter of their own, they can simply buy one from the market board.
9 WORST: Gigantpole
The Gigantoads of Final Fantasy XIV aren't exactly pretty, so it's no surprise their offspring wouldn't be attractive either. However, there's something downright disturbing about their creepy little faces. Players will never be able to run fast enough with this horror following them around. Just look at that face!
The Gigantpole minion can be caught while fishing at The Burning Wall area in Eastern Thanalan while using Topwater Frog as bait, or you can simply buy him from the market board.
8 BEST: Wolf Pup
This minion has been in the game for some time, but it still makes the list as not only is it adorably cute, but it's also one of the few minions that changes its behavior when in combat. This little dog will "attack" a player's opponent; not that he will do any damage but he gets points for trying. He also reacts to some emotes, such as the pet that makes him roll over to players so they can scratch his belly.
Additionally, the item description for this minion states "Idolizes one Gaius van Baelsar for obvious reasons," making him even more adorable when you consider his little bandana reminiscent of the one Gaius wears. Players can obtain a courageous hound of their own by completing the level 15 quest Man's Best Friend in Aleport.
7 WORST: Tiny Rat
The Tiny Rat earned itself a spot on this list by being one of the least interesting minions out there. Though it could be defined as somewhat cute, this minion isn't exactly anything to write home about, nevermind worth showing off as a vanity pet. With the myriad of fascinating creatures that the world of Final Fantasy has to offer, this feels like the waste of a minion design.
Players can purchase the Tiny Rat minion for the sum of 2400 Gil from a vendor in Highbridge, Eastern Thanalan after they have completed the FATE chain Attack On Highbridge successfully.
6 BEST: Koala Joey
Koala Joey is one of the few minions that will climb onto players, making for an adorable, cuddly tag-along while they go about your adventuring business and ensuring itself a place amongst the best minions out there. The description in the guide states that "a retainer reports that a vicious bear dropped on his head from above," paying tribute to the well-known Australian hoax of "drop bears."
This minion is a possible reward when players send their retainers on either Woodland Exploration XXII or Quick Exploration, but can also simply be purchased from the market board.
5 WORST: Wind-up Sun
The Wind-up Sun falls into the category of stationary minions, meaning it doesn't follow players around. Other than giving it the poke emote to make it rise or fall, it doesn't do much of anything, earning it a place as one of the least favorite minions. Additionally, this minion disappears when you choose to hide all your menus, though its light does remain.
Players can obtain this minion by trading an Elixir to the Magic Pot at the Ship Graveyard in Western La Noscea. A re-skin minion called Wind-up Moon is also available at the same place by training a Hi-Elixir instead.
4 BEST: The Major-General
The Major-General minion was recently added as part of patch 5.2 and stole fans' hearts almost immediately. This derpy little shark with legs is reminiscent of the Left Shark meme that circulated on the internet back in 2015. With any luck, the community will have some other great minions added in patch 5.3 but, regrettably, that patch has been delayed due to COVID-19.
This minion is a reward for earning the achievement No More Fish in the Sea, which requires players to score a minimum of 5,000 points during a single ocean fishing voyage. Once the achievement has unlocked, players can head to Jonathas in Old Gridania to get their new minion.
3 WORST: Minute Mindflayer
Mindflayers are a staple fantasy creature, not just in Final Fantasy games but throughout the entire fantasy genre in books, games, and more. However, that doesn't exactly make them the best minion material, as seen with the Minute Mindflayer. Despite its description referring to it as "cute," it is the complete opposite and therefore, not high on the list of things you want to follow you around.
This minion can be obtained as a possible reward by sending a retainer on an 18-hour venture or as a possible reward from The Aquapolis. It can also be bought from the market board.
2 BEST: The Great Serpent of Ronka
The Great Serpent of Ronka undoubtedly had to earn the top spot as the best minion in the game. Two similar minions were added as part of patch 5.2, The Behatted Serpent of Ronka, and The Behelmeted Serpent of Ronka, but nothing beats the original.
With his odd expression and small size, this little guy might not seem like much, but he is, in fact, the legendary Great Serpent of Ronka that won fans over in the latest expansion, Shadowbringers. This minion is a reward from the level 70 quest Protectors of the Wood in The Rak'tika Greatwood.
1 WORST: Calca & Brina
These horrifying little doll minions have earned themselves the top spot for being the worst minions because they are the definition of nightmare fuel. They also interact with each other and dance whenever players happen across another poor soul who has one of these creepy little ladies.
Brina (red dress) is a possible drop from the level 60 dungeon, The Antitower, and cannot be traded or sold. Calca (blue dress) is also a possible drop from The Antitower, as well as a reward for the level 38 FATE Creepy Doll in Eureka Pyros, or purchased from the market board.