In most modern RPGs, players are now given endless choices with which they can mold their virtual identities. The Elder Scrolls franchise, with its current-gen releases of Oblivion and the upcoming Skyrim, is no different. Do you make the digital ‘you’ a heartless monster that eats babies and uses their bones as toothpicks to dislodge the chunks of previously eaten baby meat that are stuck in your decaying teeth (because villains have bad hygiene)? Or is your character the goodie two-shoes type who never reaches the end of the game because they are too busy helping the Elverly (elderly elves, obviously) carry groceries from the local Cyrodiil Shop n’ Save? I know all our altruistic Corruptians are surely on the side of good, with maybe only the occasional puppy-kicking taking place.

However, do you know who wasn’t given a choice? These poor guards. They are forced by the cruel hands of fate, or game programmers who can be equally cruel, to utter the now infamous line. Perhaps if all the criminal scum would indeed just stop right there, these protectors of the peace would be freed of these verbal shackles. Who knows what they’d talk about then? It could be a conversation filled with delight. But until the criminal scum stops, and stops right there, I’m afraid we’re all just a part of the problem.

Just something to think about before you pop in that Skyrim disc on November 11th. Sorry to get all heavy on you…you criminal scum.

Oblivion Corrupted Saves Game Rant Webcomic Issue 047Comic by Zac Landry.