Duke Nukem Forever is out. That’s not even the set up or punchline to a joke. This time, it’s a cold, hard fact. Always the center of controversy, even over a decade after he first wowed us, The Duke is indeed back. In celebration of the testosterone-fueled flat-topped one, don’t just go with the obvious stuff. It’s time to get creative. Do some things that you thought you’d never do in fifteen years.
For example, any copycatting idiot can go walk around the mall and slap strangers on their sitting parts. However, it takes a true fan to run with some real Duke-inspired genius by getting sauced up, parachuting into the next major UFC event and displaying their manliness by slapping Brock Lesnar in the face… with a puppy. It’s what Duke would have wanted.
In fact, just follow this simple formula, and you’ll easily sit atop the mountain of Duke’s biggest fans: Consume large amounts of “Invincibility Substances.” Next, make an entrance by coming into the room through anything but the door. Because doors are for normal people. Finally, find the biggest person in the room and emasculate them by force, preferably with a prop of some sort. Alright, school’s out; now get to it, Corrupteteers!