2.) Resident Evil 6, 7, 8 & 9/Any Game With Human Beings, Guns, and Enemies: Could Have Just Brought a Backpack

Capcom’s newest installments of the hugely popular Resident Evil series have been huge successes, which isn’t a surprise. Even with the continued use of a companion, the games continue to sell like ice cream in summer. However, as the newest game, RE7, comes out, the companion this time is a ninja, much to everyone’s surprise. This is good news, right? You’re fighting something with funny looking eyes and claws, and having a master of stealth and weapon restraint on your side should help you out, right? Wrong. Capcom decided that in the event you decided to pirate this game, your ninja friend (his name is Fluffy from now on) is your current target. See, Fluffy has the programming that makes him put himself in your way, all the time. In a game with a laser-sighted handgun, shotgun, Chicago Typewriter, or anything, having your vision obscured is punishment, especially when you’re being attacked. But never fear, Fluffy is also programmed to come to your aid – by lighting you on fire to repel enemies. Oh, Fluffy. You’re so silly.

Here’s our Numero Uno, and let us give this one its proper fanfare. You kind of have to imagine it, though.

1.) Any Game With Internet Capabilities: The Mark of the Beastly

Theft is a crime punishable by having your hand removed in certain areas on the planet. However, here in North America, in Europe, and in Japan, it’s a bit less severe. But still, some find it an offense worth of being paraded about naked. A few developers got together a year or so ago to think of a way to combat this new piracy upsurge. Their idea was brilliant, but was meant to be kept secret, and it did remain secret, until the results of it began to come out to the public. It started with a bang, and ended with a thousand players protesting the evidence of what they had done: on their virtual gamer identification card, a big, red, “THIEF” appears. On any in-game avatars they have in any game, their character is doomed to wander the world, donning a dunce cap, suspenders, and a sign around their neck, with the word “THIEF” emblazoned on it. But wait! There’s more. In some games, there’s a way to sell and buy items, such as in The Legend of Zelda, where the player can pick up upgrades to the Bomb Bag, or the Quiver. Let’s say you decide to take a stroll into the Shop in TLOZ, to pick up a purple potion (when you die, this revives you right on the spot). You go to talk to the person behind the desk, and then it hits you: “Oh, I don’t deal with people like you. It’s bad for business.” Yep. Even in-game, NPCs refuse to associate with you, all because you pirated the game. No purple potion for you. Ever.

Well, this about wraps it up. The video game industry is a blossoming group of people who are working together (some better than others) to bring an enjoyable experience to the world, in the form of electronic submersion. In return for the hard work they put into creating a world to immerse yourself in, they ask for a bit of your money. Of course, not everyone can afford to do this but it’s worth mentioning that even if you can’t afford it, these people might suffer, the people who put their lifeblood into this project. It’s along the lines of a dine-and-ditch. It’s wrong. It may be easy, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t wrong.

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