Throughout history, there have been some very famous writers who have created inventive language that still influence the way we speak today. A prime example of this is William Shakespeare, who coined the use of phrases like "vanish into thin air" and "all of a sudden." Tolkien too, is known for his creation of several languages across several different peoples within his works. But another thing that he is known for, are his witty, often perfectly executed insults across the trilogy of the Lord of the Rings. Here are some of the best examples:
During the long dark tunnels of Moria, after the fellowship have been forced inside the door by the watcher in the water and had to abandon Bill The Pony at the entrance, they come across a room with a giant well in it. Pippin, being the youngest member of the fellowship, and the most inquisitive, throws a stone into the bottomless cavern to see how far the drop is. Although it doesn’t immediately awaken the orcs like the film suggests, the company who are with him are all startled by the sudden noise, and fearful of the disturbance to the silence, in case unwanted ears are listening.
Here, Gandalf utters his famous insult: "Fool of a Took! Throw yourself in next time, and rid us of your stupidity." It is said in a mixture of jest and seriousness, but is probably one of the most memorable slanders across the whole Tolkien universe, and comes in quick succession after Gandalf has recently threatened to knock the hobbit’s head against the entrance doors, when he cannot solve the riddle to open them. In the book, the line is delivered a little differently: "Throw yourself in next time, and then you will be no further nuisance" but still has just as much effect.
In fact, throughout the trilogy, Gandalf becomes known for his sharp insults and his sassy remarks. Another fantastic example of his wit and his forceful use of words, is when he is visiting King Theoden of Rohan in the halls of Edoras. The king seems to have fallen under some kind of curse or spell, which is later revealed to be the influence of Saruman, and when Gandalf. Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli pay a visit to try to persuade the king to help his people and join the War of the Ring, the poisonous Wormtongue whispers cruel malic in his ear. Gandalf’s "Be silent! Keep your forked tongue behind you teeth!" is a perfect slight for the treacherous snake of Wormtongue, who had embedded himself into the royal council, gotten rid of most of the people who would try to help the king, and made a bargain with Saruman to own and possess Eowyn, the king’s niece, whom he has lusted after for years.
Rohan itself is the source of many of the best offenses throughout the trilogy, in the form of Eomer, Eowyn’s brother. He is another character who gives out well-timed and often comical retorts to others. One example is when Merry is preparing himself for battle, and Eomer states, "I do not doubt the strength of his heart, only the reach of his arm." The others around the campsite laugh, but Eowyn defends the hobbit, saying that they have as much right to fight for those they love as the men do. Eomer’s height-related jokes don’t stop there, however, as he also says a similarly mean but comical phrase to Gimli the dwarf: "I would cut off your head dwarf, if it stood but a little higher from the ground." Although Eomer is gruff and often misguided in his judgment, he later becomes a fair and noble ruler for his people, after the current king dies at the Battle of Pelennor Fields.
Gimli is often the brunt of many stature jokes, including the perfect "Would you like me to describe it to you? Or shall I get you a box?" said in a friendly joke by Legolas as the two stand on the parapet of Helm’s Deep, before a great battle takes place. The two are no strangers to teasing and bantering with one another, it has to do with the ancient rivalries that exist between the people. However, they learn to get along after Gimli insult’s the elves of Lothlorien with his famous "Ishkhaqwi ai durugnul" which means "I spit on your grave." The two characters quickly form an unlikely kinship, and their funny and competitive relationship is one of the best that exists within the films.
The other character who of course spews insults and mean words all of the time in the films is the creature Gollum. He has been twisted by the power of the ring, which was in his possession for an unnaturally long time, and so he constantly feels that he has been wronged. He often insults Sam, calling him "stupid, fat hobbit," and believes that all types of hobbits are "false, tricksty, thieves." He often talks of wanting to wring their necks whilst they sleep, so that he can take the ring back for himself, but he is perturbed by the elvish chain that the ring is kept on, and has a conflict within himself of wanting to be rid of the powerful object, at the same time as not wanting any harm to come to it.
These are just a few examples of the best jokes and insults of Middle Earth, and there are plenty more within The Hobbit, The Silmarillion and The Unfinished Tales. Tolkien was, in all senses of the word, a master of language, and it turns out he had a humorous streak too!