I got my first video game console when I was seven as a reward for some pretty exemplary school performance that culminated in my parents proudly displaying a cardboard box close to overflowing with cables, controllers, game cartridges and Nintendo’s iconic gray and black box. They’d somehow managed to snag all of it for $75 and while I imagined my dad, a Navy man stationed on Camp Pendleton, browbeating and verbally assaulting the former owners into offering such a marvelous price, odds are they simply didn’t know what it was worth.
Granted, these were the days before the internet and GameStop but a fully functioning NES in its heyday with two controllers, The Legend of Zelda, Super Mario Bros., Metroid, and Gyromite including R.O.B., could and should have gone for a lot more, although I’m glad that it didn’t.
As a result, my obsession cooled into something more akin to passion which was far healthier and much more manageable. As time passed and I learned about the wonders of washing cars and mowing lawns for money, I was able to fund myself with a SNES and, four years later various fast food jobs provided an N64.
This pattern has continued to the present day where my Wii, PS3 and Xbox 360 can attest that I’m as much of a gamer as I’ve ever been. Over the years, video games have been a constant in my life: nursing me through the flu, comforting me after a break up, or just providing an escape from reality for a few enjoyable hours.
And then I recently discovered that my beautiful wife doesn’t really like video games. Not really at all, actually. Something like hate is probably closer to the mark.
I mean, sure, every once in a while we’d fight about video games but not very frequently or furiously. She would joke about throwing my stuff away while I was at work, I would mock-threaten divorce and we’d go about our lives. Typical, you say. End of story, right? Well, maybe not.
So what’s a game-loving guy to do? The easy answer is that I sell the games on Craigslist and I stop worrying about saving digital princesses, focusing all of my energy on my relationship with my wife instead. But that’s not really a very good answer. It sounds great on paper but everybody needs hobbies and alone time. I don’t know a single couple that spends every minute of every hour together and those that do tend to be the kind of people that get divorced over one of them stubbing their toe.
My defensive and argumentative side kicked in long enough for me to wonder why I had to do anything at all. I didn’t and don’t begrudge her the things that she likes that I don’t. I’m not asking her to give up Project Runway or Twilight. Granted, she doesn’t actually watch anything alone all that often and Twilight stuff takes up about ten hours and $10 annually, but still. It’s the principle of the thing, isn’t it? This is about the point where I realized how asinine this line of thinking was and abandoned it.
But while this could become a real and uncomfortable problem, there had to be some kind of middle-of-the-road solution. Love me or hate me for it, I’m an American and if any group of people collectively believe that you truly can have it all, it’s Americans. So, I repeat, what’s a game-loving guy to do?
Well, I decided to ask the experts. After all, I couldn’t possibly have the only relationship in the world struggling with this issue. So I did a little research, made some calls and very easily found a few people that were eager, almost excited, to help. Each of them approached the problem differently and, while a lot of their advice is common sense, some of it may surprise you.
Ready to dive into your psyche? I know I am. So with no further ado and, as with everything in else in life, ladies first!
Click here to go to Page 2! Find out Why She Hates it and Why You do It
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The easiest solution is to find a girl that likes video games and will play them with you (Granted, not all the time). My wife kicked my ass at N64 Mario Kart when we first started dating.
If she doesn’t like video games, hit the road, sweetheart.
That’s like saying that girls should find a dude that likes Twilight or manicures. Good luck with that. Also, everyone loves Mario Kart, that doesn’t count.
You must be looking in the wrong place, because I know plenty of late 20s females that play a ton of video games…and not just Mario Kart, Dance Central, or singing on Rock Band.
Sorry A Sandwich, they do exist. My wife has been hogging Final Fantasy IV on the DS for hours now, and she’s the one who got me hooked on video games. Those types of women exist, you just have to keep searching.
this is so sexist! my boyfriend and i just broke up because HE hated video games, and I love them. all this article talks about is how girls are needy and clingy and need constant affection.
Sexist? This is the author’s story and represents his point of view. Whose circumstances do you think are more common, yours or his?
where have you been my entire life
or, you can take your balls out of her purse…
crankypuss, then this article is for you: How to Get Your Boyfriend to Play Video Games with You http://borderhouseblog.com/?p=1995
(And I do agree the article is sexist, that is why Borderhouse parodied the article for april fools in the link above)
Has anyone else noticed that articles about how to make women happy always involve them treating the men like they are children? “Set time limits?” If my wife tried to set a time limit on anything I do, let alone gaming, we would have to have a serious talk. My wife is not my mother, she is my partner. If gaming is your hobby, she has to deal with it. Women complain about how men want to change them and we should like the for who they are, same goes for us. I like games, she doesn’t have to. Do I love games more than my wife? No, of course not, but I do respect myself so as not to let someone tell me what I can and can’t do and how long I can do it for.
just…Amen to that, brother. I allready have a great mom, a copuple of sweet aunts who will show me the right path if needed so yeah: I want a (-n equal as passible) partner and not someone who sees me as a project or “something to take care off”. Unless I ask for that myself
!
He wasn’t talking about your wife or girlfriend setting the limits, he was suggesting that you self impose a reasonable limit so that you can spend time with them without letting resentment build. Way to interpret it to support your own assholishness notions, though.
I had a hard time reading this article and caring, because it’s set to say that men and women are nothing but this generalized, stereotypical version the sex that won’t go away or get clarified. All people are different. I don’t consider myself a feminist, because honestly I don’t like the labels. I don’t consider myself a gamer either, but I play just as many video games as any “hardcore gamer.” My boyfriend on the other hand, likes video games but sets most of his extra time to do freelance web design. We have come up with the best plan, when we want to hang out and also get gaming or working done, I play games while he codes, we talk here and there, but we’re still together. The problem is communication, also one partner having a hobby and the other one not having a hobby. Put gender aside and talk to each other, work out how everyone can be happy. And honestly if you’re with someone who says you can’t do something you enjoy doing, especially at a moderate level, it will probably not work anyway. Wow this was long, sorry.
their is a lot of oversimplified crap advice being given (women seek relationships, men seek tasks!), but the point about being unresponsive to others when you are playing is a very good point.
to an outside observer, i probably do look like i dont care about anything else in the world when i am really into a game. but i like the feeling of engrossment.
what i usually do to avoid trouble is to wait till she goes to sleep, then play as late as i want. good headphones are a must! since i have a job that doesnt start early in the morning, its not as big a deal, but just make sure you arent ignoring her for a game when she gets home!
*there* not their
Great article! You sir, are a gentleman and a scholar, your wife should be proud; as should be all women whose partners make such efforts to make things work pleasantly.
Greatest gaming article of the year!
Good article, with good tips. Of course, not everything applies to everyone, but it’s easy to pick out a few useful points that I can keep in mind the next time I sense my wife getting irritated. And I’m inclined to say that this article applies nearly in its entirety to the reversed sex roles.
One thing the article could’ve used is an opposing doctor’s opinion. For example, Dr. Mario probably would just encourage the divorce.
“And I’m inclined to say that this article applies nearly in its entirety to the reversed sex roles.”
Definitely. Women are just as guilty of being neglectful of their boyfriends/husbands on occasion, too. I think the key is simply to be nice to each other and considerate of each other’s feelings? Successful relationships are all about compromise.
Agreed. I recall my boyfriend getting irritated a few times when I wouldn’t shut off Fallout 3 when he came home after a long day of work.
you seriously went on web and talked about your wife not liking your gaming habit. SERIOUSLY!! your pathetic. if you would’ve spent quarter of the time doing some thing productive like restoring a car or building something cool could’ve been better way to spend your time. gaming is good but your way too much. there are tons of women who are gamers but seriously you need to spend sometime with your wife and not threatening her to divorce over gaming consoles.
Yeah because restoring a car and writing a short article are so comparable in time consumption.
Yes you’re certainly an expert on what qualifies as a legitimate use of time. Hey, in the time you spent posting your comment, you could have learned how to properly use “you’re” and “your”!
I have already warned my wife that if she has a problem with me playing video games, I am happy to grant her a divorce. It’s the only rational compromise.
Seriously dude, dump her ass its not worth it.
I hope you do grant her a divorce, because you sound like a complete asshole. The only rational compromise is to have your way or else? Get some help and grow up.
Ah yes, my way or the highway, you sound like a real winner. In this case winner meaning emotional infant who can’t conceive of ever acting like an adult and not having his way 100% of the time.
Dr. Mario would just throw pills at you. Wario, on the other hand, would encourage the divorce.
Im a woman and I like computer games, I tried to get my other half into farmville but we found one http://www.buccaneersandlobsters.com that we could play together. Its good fun, and awe we can cement our relationship there to, while he can blow the brains out of other pirates, its fantastic.
Teresa Kilpatrick
Here’s how I reconciled my gaming with my non-gamer wife: I devote some time each day/week to taking part in things that she likes. When I’m not doing that, I play games. Simple as that. If she starts complaining, I remind her of the sacrifice I make to take part in her hobbies and such and that I never ask her to play games. It’s a solo thing that she doesn’t have to sacrifice anything for.
I think that’s fair. My boyfriend is forever playing World of Warcraft, but I never gripe at him about it since we usually do something fun on weekends. (Besides, I’m pretty hooked to my PS2, too.) Why not let him enjoy his leisure time as long as we’re still doing something together on occasion?
Wow, excellent article dude.
Lou
http://www.real-anonymity.net.tc
Can’t really relate to this since I’m been a gamer my entire life and my boyfriend has as well (like you, my love affair with games started with the NES! My console ownership has been all over the place–NES, Game Boy, Genesis, Game Gear, PS1, PS2, Wii, PS3, PSP). That said, still a nice article! I agree that you shouldn’t have to give up gaming entirely. Everybody needs a hobby (besides, gamer boys are the best; do you want a guy who parks himself on the couch playing games or a guy who goes out bar-hopping every night?) However, it’s nice that you took the time to research some solutions and emphasize the important of compromise. I disagree with the charges that this article is sexist. Obviously you care about your wife’s feelings, or you wouldn’t have bothered to write this. Hope you guys find a middle ground without having to give up the things that you love!
My husband and I started playing video games in the early 90′s. We spent many ,many hours playing the likes of Zelda and Metroid. But as time went on we had two kids and I no longer had the time to play. It did bother me that he was able to devote so much time to playing while I took care of the kids.. The boys are now 16 and 18 and we all play games of some sort. I now have the time to play but we no longer play them together like we did. Hubby is on his computer me on mine or the 360. I sure do miss those days… The way I look at it as long as we both take care of work and the house together we are both free to play as we wish. I know he loves me just as he knows I love him. I just got ( a little late to the party ) World of Warcraft and liking it so far. I might have to get him a copy so we can once again play together. Besides he is home and not out in a bar drinking with some bar fly hanging on him. LOL have a great day all.
How about, for your last point, make it “You’re an adult now, you don’t need to compromise with the woman of the house if you don’t want to. You’re not forced to live with your parents; you can move out, or kick her out, at any time you wish. YOU ARE AN ADULT NOW. That means you get to decide what you want to do. If you want to play games, you may. If she doesn’t want you to, then you don’t have to worry about it.”
Seriously. You’re bargaining with your supposed girlfriend about playing too much games, and you’re trying to write up compromise as a viable solution? Stupid.
What I don’t like about this article is that it veers heavily toward the line of thought that appeasing the woman is the solution. It takes for granted, without explaining why, that the woman’s complaints have some sort of unspoken validity.
It could very well be that the woman is emotionally insecure if she sees games as a threat. That is HER problem. It is not the guy’s job to comfort her, appease her, and set time limits on his hobby (as if he is a child, like another commenter pointed out) to appease the woman’s insecurity.
A girl will either ACCEPT you for who you or, or she can leave, as far as I’m concerned.
As many of the more relationship-savvy guys can attest, if you start changing yourself for the girl… if you betray your goals and your hobbies to appease her complaints/demands, then it shows in a subtle way that you can be easily molded, which in turn causing the woman to slowly lose attraction for you.
I tend to screen for girls who like or accept games, anyway, though. So I don’t typically have this problem. If a girl doesn’t like video games or at least tolerate them and understand why they’re fun, she probably has a stick up her @$$ and is not an enjoyable person to be around anyway.
Ever consider *gasp* that there really are men out there who don’t give a damn about anybody but themselves and might need the reminder that their girlfriend is resentful because he doesn’t want to spend time with them? Give me a break. Asking that you get to spend valuable time with the person you love is not some huge threat to a hobby. Talk about insecure. All these men falling apart and freaking out the minute anyone asks them to pay attention to anything else.
Dude really? yet another My way or the highway guy? Yeah,your relationship savvy my ass. Relationships ARE about compromise, and communication.
If you are playing a game, and not paying attention to your girl, then she will feel like she isn’t worth anything to you, and that the game is more important. Its not about changing for the woman in your life, its about saying, ok, i need to spend a little less time gaming when she is around, and spend more time with her to make her feel appreciated and loved. Thats why I game mostly when she is working on other things. Like at work, doing homework, or doing her part of the cleaning around the house, or if its her turn to cook.
Hate to break it to you guys and girls that are saying this article is bullshit, but MOST GIRLS DON’T LIKE VIDEO GAMES! Women gamers are a rare thing when compared to the scope of women that don’t game. Also if your screening your girlfriends by if they play games or not, your a complete idiot.
Oh and if you refuse to change anything about who you are for a woman you love, then you better find one insecure out of her wits crazy woman, because thats what relationships are about as well. Sometimes you have to change your habits, both you and her. But your relationship-savvy you already knew this.
Interesting article. I’m a female gamer and this article is my life, just in reverse. Unfortunately, I don’t have the luxury of inviting my husband to play co-op with me because he hates split screen. Oh and he’s a TV-aholic who watches 3-4 hours of TV a night and therefore there is no time for me to play.
I’m not asking to play 5 hours every night, but I would like to play a few nights a week for an hour or so, but that’s nearly impossible.
I’m relegated to playing at odd hours, like before work and when he’s not home.
Good article. But it does seem like this kind of advice always revolves around appeasing the wife. Now I’m not for guys acting like a hammerhead and doing whatever they want whenever they want, realtionships will never work when one acts like that. But it is a two way street and it’s just as important for women to compromise as well.
Unless the guy is a “me” kind of person, most husbands are the handyman, grounds keeper, mechanic, not to mention maid and cook at times. Women should remember that the next time they see their husbands camped out in front his 360.
At least guys that play games are at home, not out with friends or doing other hobbies that requier them to leave the house for extended periods of time.
I’ve had my share of fights over this with the wife and there really is no solution to it that I see. Other than waiting till she goes to bed and staying up till 3, there is no mid point. I find that most women that don’t play games will always think of it as dumb and a waste of time. Most women grew up with their dads having hobbies that were more “grown up” than games and they will always think of it as nonsense. Gamming is something that boys, not men do. So no matter how much time you spend talking, you are still doing something that is immature when you could be spending more time with your spouse or gf.